right now im coding in my science class.
right now I am in fourth grade. i am not thinking about the kids im thinking about the ugliest parts of my personality, existance, body, life, past, present, and future
honesty is hard, and its not natural to certain human systems, not natural to especially mine
right now im in my teaching social studies class. FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CANNOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS WEBSITE COLORED! i have tried a ton of code but this is more of a me project anyways so i think im fine with it being not the coolest most professional thing out there. im okay with not being the best.
speaking of not being the best, i wanted to write about the books ive been reading/ listening to. I was listening to The Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. the ideas i found related the most to my life were about freedom. freedom in this context is the courage to be disliked. while I do not have to actively seek out being disliked, the fact that I am disliked means that I have succeeded in not being a people pleaser. Today, I started listing to How to Know a Person by David Brooks. This book took the breaking down of society into the individual as the smallest unit (from The Courage to be Disliked) and talks about how to see and appreciate other individuals as different from us, but equally valuable as human beings. UPDATE I FOUND OUT HOW TO MAKE IT PURPLE I HAD TO HIT AN EXTRA BUTTON TO HARD REFRESH THE PAGE YAYAYAYAYAY!!
right now I am in fourth grade. There is a student with severe externalized depression. Why does everything have to bc a competition? I would like this child to be able to exist apart from a spectrum which determines his level of struggle. I liked listening to those two books the past week but I need to live the feelings and experinces that the books were supposed to help me handle. I hope I am a good person who works her hardest to illuminate the light in others, to see their souls. All one can do is try, i guess.
right now i am in a class about the psychology of learning. my professor asked us if we had students in our class who were "debbie downers", i mean theres a kid who is depressed and struggling but i dont really think its his fault. i have been noticing that the people around me tend to really like etiology. i used to too, i was always blaming some reasoning of my present circumstances on the past, and it was keeping me from living my life. i just kept being sad about the past. i think im finally gaining the skills to let go of my inner child and not abandon her. its been really hard to leave that hurt little girl behind, but i know i deserve more and she deserves to rest. I am not abandoning myself, im taking a step forward. UPDATE(10/23/2024): I don't know why I forgot this idea. I still try to blame my present on events from iver a decade ago.
its been a while. hello. I guess I've been spacey and not really put together. life has been changing a lot and I'm doing fine but its just a lot of change. This is where im supposed to be right now. I'm glad to have this website. My brain feels messy today, and yesterday, and the day before.
I don't know how but I've found the love of my life. I think that this is rare but I know I am rare. My Love is rare. It has been the perfect distant crush, to tinder match, to boyfriend, to life partner. I appreciate the lessons I learn through being with someone I love unconditionally yet am somewhat different